Babylon Bee (Satire)

EXCLUSIVE REPORT: Inside Sources Say Biden Is Definitely Either Going To Step Down Or Stay In The Race But For Sure One Of The Two

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources close to the President say he's definitely going to step down any day now or for sure stay in the race but it's going to be one of those two options unless a third option presents itself.

Posted on 19 July 2024 | 12:01 pm

Babylon Bee Editorial: Joe Biden Is Of Sound Mind And Body And The Cruel Attacks On Him Must Stop

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for The Babylon Bee editorial board to opine on the mental capacities of sitting presidents, the nation is probably in some sort of trouble.

Posted on 18 July 2024 | 5:51 pm

Revealed: Biden's Nickname For Each Member Of His Administration

American presidents have been giving nicknames to members of their cabinet ever since George Washington first started calling John Adams "Johnny Boy." It's an endearing yet enduring presidential tradition.

Posted on 18 July 2024 | 5:46 pm

Most Popular President In History Inundated With Calls To Step Down

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A great upheaval was felt across the political landscape today as the most popular president in history was inundated with calls to step down.

Posted on 18 July 2024 | 4:44 pm

Airbnb Listing Stipulates You Must Remodel Kitchen Before Checkout

PHOENIX, AZ — A local family found themselves in a difficult situation when packing up to head home after vacation when they discovered that the Airbnb listing for the home they stayed in stipulated that they must remodel the kitchen before checking out.

Posted on 18 July 2024 | 3:33 pm

Insiders Confirm That Trump's Speech Tonight Will Include Numerous, Unpredictable, And Randomly Spaced Rapid Head Turns

MILWAUKEE, WI — Insiders at that Republican National Convention just revealed that Trump's address to the convention tonight will be frequently interspersed with numerous, unpredictable, and randomly spaced rapid head turns.

Posted on 18 July 2024 | 3:09 pm

Friend Assures You TV Show Gets Really Good If You Can Just Push Through 9 Bad Seasons

TAMPA, FL - Local friend Vander McRay assured you over the weekend that the show you're watching gets really really good if you can make it to at least Season 9.

Posted on 18 July 2024 | 2:18 pm

New White House Doctor Sadly Informs Biden Only Cure For COVID Is Euthanasia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Washington sources report that the White House received "a real downer of a prognosis" yesterday after Dr. Pillary Schminton informed President Biden that the only known cure for COVID is euthanasia.

Posted on 18 July 2024 | 1:09 pm

Republicans Concerned It’s Going To Be Harder Than Usual To Blow This Election

MILWAUKEE, WI — Riding a wave of increased popularity with November swiftly approaching, prominent members of the Republican party expressed concern that it's going to be harder than usual to blow this election.

Posted on 18 July 2024 | 11:56 am