Babylon Bee (Satire)

12 Fun Activities That Are Less Likely To Destroy Your Family Than 'Monopoly'

Countless families have been destroyed by games of Monopoly gone awry. Don't let that happen to you.

Posted on 12 December 2025 | 3:03 pm

Trump Advice for Families Struggling This Christmas: Your Kids Are Bad So Maybe They Don't Deserve Presents

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has just one message for American families struggling economically this Christmas: "Your kids are bad, so maybe they don't deserve presents."

Posted on 12 December 2025 | 2:30 pm

Reminder: Santa Wants Gluten In His Cookies

U.S. — As Christmas Eve approaches, decorations adorn the tree, and bands of carolers prepare to roam the streets, an urgent message arrived from the North Pole to remind everyone not to forget that Santa Claus wants gluten in his cookies.

Posted on 12 December 2025 | 2:08 pm

Kilmar Abrego Garcia Uses Frequent Flyer Miles To Take Killer Disney Vacation

ORLANDO, FL — The much-publicized legal tug-of-war over his deportation finally paid off for illegal alien Kilmar Abrego Garcia, as he announced that he was using all the frequent flyer miles he racked up during the ordeal to take a killer Disney vacation.

Posted on 12 December 2025 | 2:06 pm

Jesus Kinda Bummed He Was Born On December 25 And Now His Birthday Will Be Overshadowed By Christmas Every Year

CAPERNAUM — Reports surfaced this week that carpenter-turned-traveling teacher Jesus of Nazareth expressed disappointment with having to share a birthday with the biggest holiday of the year.

Posted on 12 December 2025 | 1:38 pm

California Family Still Waiting For Permit To Build Gingerbread House

PACIFIC PALISADES, CA — Bucking years of tradition, a family new to the California area has failed to build a single gingerbread house this Christmas season due to a backlog at the permit office.

Posted on 12 December 2025 | 1:25 pm

Trump Worried Reports Of Venezuelan Oil Tanker Seizure Have Ruined The Surprise Of Melania’s Christmas Gift

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump expressed concern that his wife, Melania, may now be aware of what he got her for Christmas after news reports surfaced that the U.S. military had seized a Venezuelan oil tanker this week.

Posted on 12 December 2025 | 1:21 pm