Babylon Bee (Satire)

8 New Events Coming To The Paris Summer Olympics

The 2024 Summer Olympics are here, and this time they're in France! But this isn't your grandma's Olympics. Eight exciting new events are here to challenge athletes from across the globe, and The Babylon Bee has the exclusive details.

Posted on 26 July 2024 | 4:18 pm

Media Warns Community Notes May Make It Harder For Them To Lie

U.S. — Members of the mainstream media sounded the alarm about the Community Notes feature of X, formerly Twitter, which they say makes it harder for them to lie.

Posted on 26 July 2024 | 4:09 pm

Woman With Five Kids Worried Driving A Minivan Will Make Her Look Like A Mom

PROVO, UT — A local woman with five kids expressed worry this week that driving a minivan might make her look like a mom.

Posted on 26 July 2024 | 3:01 pm

Kamala Harris Secures Liberal White Women Vote By Always Being Drunk And Intolerable

WASHINGTON, D.C. — New poll numbers showed Kamala Harris had locked up the white liberal woman vote by constantly being drunk and intolerable.

Posted on 26 July 2024 | 2:54 pm

Scholars Now Believe David Wrote Psalm 22 After Stepping On Lego

U.S. — A combination of archaeological evidence and textual analysis has led many Bible scholars to believe King David wrote Psalm 22 after stepping on a plastic Lego brick.

Posted on 26 July 2024 | 2:41 pm

FBI Director Suggests Trump's Ear Just Spontaneously Exploded

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his testimony before Congress, FBI Director Christopher Wray proposed a bold new theory about the attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump, saying that it was possible that there was, in fact, no assassination attempt at all and that Trump's ear might have spontaneously exploded.

Posted on 26 July 2024 | 1:39 pm

Olympic Games Delayed As USA Flag Bearer LeBron James Flops Again

PARIS — In a tragic turn of events, the opening ceremonies of the 2024 Paris Summer Olympics were delayed after Team USA flag bearer LeBron James flopped dramatically onto the ground.

Posted on 26 July 2024 | 1:33 pm

Obama Reluctantly Endorses Kamala After Butt-Dialing Her

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Vice President's campaign for president received a highly sought-after boost this week, as former President Barack Obama reluctantly endorsed Kamala Harris after butt-dialing her.

Posted on 26 July 2024 | 12:31 pm