Babylon Bee (Satire)

Kamala Harris Last Seen Fleeing Dozens Of International Assassins After Trump Cancels Her Secret Service Protection

LOS ANGELOS, CA — Following President Trump's recent cancellation of Kamala Harris' Secret Service protection, the former Vice-President was seen fleeing dozens of international assassins.

Posted on 29 August 2025 | 5:11 pm

Pastor Asks Drummer To Stop Adding The 'In The Air Tonight' Drum Fill To Every Worship Song

IRVINE, CA — The pastor of Lord's Vine Church has reportedly taken the lead drummer from their praise team aside and formally warned him to stop adding the drum fill from Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" to every worship song.

Posted on 29 August 2025 | 3:40 pm

Man Not Sure If Wife Already In Pajamas Or Still In Pajamas

AMARILLO, TX — After local man Jeremy Long got home from work a little early on Thursday he was greeted by a wife wearing pajamas, forcing him to consider whether or not she was "already" in pajamas or "still" in pajamas.

Posted on 29 August 2025 | 3:37 pm

Russia, Ukraine Reach New Type of Truce Where They Keep Bombing Each Other

UKRAINE — Following constructive talks about ending their war, the leaders of Russia and Ukraine have reportedly reached a new type of truce where they keep bombing each other indefinitely.

Posted on 29 August 2025 | 3:33 pm

Newsom Announces He Is Anti-Crime Until Next Election

SACRAMENTO, CA — Gavin Newsom's poll numbers have skyrocketed after he recently announced that he will be anti-crime until the next election.

Posted on 29 August 2025 | 2:43 pm

Ms. Frizzle’s Class Fails Reading After Spending The Year Shrunk Down In Some Guy’s Blood Instead Of Learning To Read

WALKERVILLE — Students at Walkerville Elementary School will reportedly be held back a year after it came to light that their teacher, Ms. Valerie Frizzle, shrank them down to miniature size to spend the year in some guy's blood instead of teaching them to read.

Posted on 29 August 2025 | 2:10 pm

Study Finds Women Invented Rompers To Make Other Women Look Stupid

LOS ANGELES, CA — A groundbreaking scientific study discovered that women first invented rompers to make other women look stupid.

Posted on 29 August 2025 | 1:35 pm