Babylon Bee (Satire)

Thinking About Going To Church? Here Are 10 Tips For Your First Sunday

Attending a church for the first time can be a daunting experience. If this is the first time you're attending church this Sunday, try not to stress too much about what it'll be like to be in an entirely new place surrounded by people you don't know. Just follow these handy tips, and you'll be just fine.

Posted on 11 December 2025 | 4:50 pm

US Military Persuades Entire Venezuelan Army To Surrender By Offering Them Some Food

VENEZUELA — In a remarkable demonstration of martial superiority, the United States military just forced an unconditional surrender out of the entire Venezuelan army just by offering them some food.

Posted on 11 December 2025 | 3:50 pm

Whoaa This B-List Actor Just Said Something Remotely Christian Whoaaaa

WHOA now. WHOAAA.

Posted on 11 December 2025 | 3:34 pm

Meaning Of Christmas Revealed To Actually Be Those Popcorn Tins With The Three Types Of Popcorn

The meaning of Christmas has been officially revealed, and it's all about those metal tins with three types of popcorn. Yep. Would you have guessed it?

Posted on 11 December 2025 | 2:55 pm

Michigan Taps Marco Rubio As Interim Head Coach

ANN ARBOR, MI — Just moments after news broke that the University of Michigan had fired head football coach Sherrone Moore with cause, Secretary of State Marco Rubio had been tapped as interim coach.

Posted on 11 December 2025 | 2:38 pm

Report: Backs Of Cereal Boxes Have Really Gone Downhill

U.S. — A recent report finds that the backs of cereal boxes have really gone downhill over the years, which is lame.

Posted on 11 December 2025 | 2:10 pm

Jasmine Crockett Hits Campaign Trail To Axe For Votes

HOUSTON, TX — Representative Jasmine Crockett has officially launched her Senate bid, immediately hitting the campaign trail to "axe for votes."

Posted on 11 December 2025 | 12:09 pm

23 Gifts The Wise Men Should Have Brought Instead

The Wise Men may have done well to find the Christ child, but to be frank, the gifts they brought left something to be desired. Here are 23 other gifts that the Wise Men should have brought instead:

Posted on 10 December 2025 | 4:59 pm

Indianapolis Colts Debut New Trick Play Where Philip Rivers Fakes Handoff To Running Back Then Runs Off Field To Get Wife Pregnant Again

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The Indianapolis Colts unveiled a new trick play where quarterback Philip Rivers fakes a handoff, then jogs off the field to get his wife pregnant again.

Posted on 10 December 2025 | 2:57 pm

Small Group Waits In Hushed Anticipation As Newlyweds Prepare To Offer Marriage Advice

OLATHE, KS — A local church gathering was set to offer new insights into life that no one else had ever discovered before, as a small group waited in hushed anticipation, as newlyweds prepared to offer marriage advice to everyone else.

Posted on 10 December 2025 | 2:33 pm

Life Hack: Trick A Lovely Lady Into Marrying You By Hiding Your Obsessive Hobby Until Alas It Is Too Late For Her

Men, if you're still looking for love we've got a sweet life hack for you today — trick a nice girl into marrying you by hiding your obsessive hobby until after you've tied the knot and she's stuck with you.

Posted on 10 December 2025 | 2:15 pm

13 Things Safer To Give Your Kids Than A Smartphone

The kids are really begging for smartphones this Christmas, but we all know there are potential risks. In lieu of purchasing your child a smartphone, perhaps consider any of these 13 safer alternatives:

Posted on 10 December 2025 | 1:58 pm

Kwanzaa Finally Revealed To Be Elaborate Prank On White People

U.S. — In a corroboration of what many had long suspected, a new report finally confirmed that the holiday of Kwanzaa has been revealed to be an elaborate prank on white people.

Posted on 10 December 2025 | 1:41 pm

Trump Announces Aid Package To Farmers To Help Them Deal With How Amazing Economy Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A $12 billion aid package for the agricultural industry is designed to help American farmers cope with how good the economy is, President Trump announced Monday.

Posted on 10 December 2025 | 12:59 pm